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It's not you, it's me....please respect our choices during this pandemic.

This pandemic has been hard on everyone.  Even people who are self-proclaimed homebodies and introverts are feeling the strain.  I get it.  Where I live, we have done a fairly good job of flattening the curve and things are slowly starting to reopen.  Life has by no means gone back to normal, but people are anxious to return to parts of their lives that they have missed over these past few months.  Nothing is better than seeing your friends and family in person, instead of a video version of them on a screen.  Getting to sip a drink on a patio or play a round of golf — summer fun that we are all deserving of.  In-person social interaction and a taste of life before the pandemic are all good for our spirits and mental well-being.

However, for our family, the decision to resume any of our pre-COVID activities will be weighed extremely carefully.  My 11 year old son has acquired heart disease due to coronary aneurysms he developed as a result of Kawasaki disease.  This means that his coronary arteries (vessels that supply blood to his heart muscles to keep it pumping) have sections that are "ballooned," so he takes multiple blood thinners to ensure he does not get a clot, which could cause a heart attack.  Unfortunately, he had a heart attack previously and does have permanent damage to some of his heart muscle.  My son falls into the group of those at “high risk” from COVID-19, because of his existing heart condition.

As you can imagine, we have been extremely cautious throughout this pandemic, especially after hearing the possible effects of COVID-19 on the heart.  We order our groceries and other necessities online and have them delivered.  We only go to a store if absolutely necessary and are always sure to wear a mask.  We have stopped ordering take-out food, which was a regular weekend treat. My son has not seen any of his friends in-person since school ended in March.  We have not seen our family except via online means or at a distance from the driveway.  When taking walks we are sure to maintain as much distance as possible between us and others.

However, I have gone to the hospital for my mammogram and have taken Isaiah to the hospital for necessary diagnostic testing twice since this pandemic started. We have even allowed our older son to meet up with his friends to go biking outdoors, at a distance and armed with a mask for any stops that may bring him into close proximity with his friends or others. We have gone to play tennis outside, while following the strict rules the club has in place and never touch another group’s tennis ball with hands, but hit it over to them with our racquets only.  In short, we have not been holed up in our house and have not been completely shielded from the outside world for the past three and a half months.  We have ventured out, but always with an abundance of caution.

Each decision we make regarding contact with the world outside our home is considered based on a risk versus benefit calculation.  Although we are a house full of computer and science geeks, there is no actual math being done to make these decisions, but there are always factors that we consider.

1 -  If shopping for an item, do we really need it?  Can it be ordered online?  Can we wait for it to arrive online instead of going to the store?

2 - How important is this outing?  Will it have a direct benefit to our family's health, either physical or mental?  What are the consequences of postponing this outing?  Is there a suitable alternative?  Will this outing benefit the well-being of extended family members or other people we care about?

3 - Is the outing inside or outside?  What known safety precautions are in place to protect us and others?  How easy will it be to stay at a reasonably safe distance from others?

4 - Are there any other unknowns that need to be considered?

We will continue to keep these questions in mind as more and more businesses begin to reopen and more rules are lifted.  The decision made by our government agencies to move to the next phase whether based on economic need, number of active infections, availability of PPE or number of ICU hospital beds that are unoccupied, will not change the way decisions are made about my family's outings.  I understand the need for society to move forward, but I am still fully aware that the risks that existed three months ago still exist now.

I do not consider the measures that we are taking to keep our son and the rest of our family safe to be extreme, unreasonable or born from a place of misguided fear.  (If you want a better understanding of where this fear comes from, please read my other post explaining the reasons many Kawasaki disease parents have been anxious throughout this pandemic.)  You and many others may choose to disagree and think that we are allowing ourselves to be held captive by paranoia and trepidation based on risk sensationalized by the media and inflated by our government.  Of course, that is your prerogative.  I am not asking you to agree with our choices or even asking you to try to understand them.  All I ask is that you accept our decisions and respect that we are doing what we feel is right for Isaiah and our family.  So please, don't be offended if we turn down that offer to meet you at a patio or decline the invitation to visit you in your backyard, even from a distance.  It's not you, it's me. Furthermore, please don't pity us or worry that we might feel excluded.  We understand that these are choices that we are making for ourselves and we recognize that we are actually more fortunate than many other families.  There are families who have multiple individuals dealing with more serious health concerns.  There are families who do not have the option to stay at home; who have parents that need to leave the home to go to work or who do not have the means to have their groceries and essentials delivered.   These families do not have the luxury of making some of the choices that we have the privilege of making.  Hopefully, the choices we are making will also help them, by doing our part to reduce the possible vectors of infection.

While your concern is appreciated, no need to feel sorry for us or stop living your own lives on our account.  However, I do have one ask of you: Please be safe and responsible as you venture out there enjoying the options made available as we progress from one phase to another.  Continue to do what you can to keep that curve flat and the availability of ventilators and ICU beds high.  In the unlikely event that my son contracts SARS-CoV-2 and ends up developing COVID-19, there is a higher chance that he may need one of those ventilators and a bed in intensive care.  This is NOT fear mongering, this is my family's reality.


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